One friend that I respect very much said to me: "The way to get people to do what you want is to get them to want what you want. You need to come up with a deal that is good for them and good for you, and convince them that it's in their best interest to do that deal."
It sounds obvious, on the face of it, but often, the deal involves multiple parties, multiple moving parts that need to each come together in a smooth mechanism. It's not a skill that I've perfected yet, not by a long shot (though this friend of mine has many times proven his mastery at this particular game).
In practice, a win-win deal can be fiendishly hard to put together. And sometimes, it's just not possible. But when you can achieve it, it is the ultimate way to get people to do what you want. As the king said to the little prince:
"Exactly. One must require from each one the duty which each one can perform," the king went on. "Accepted authority rests first of all on reason. If you ordered your people to go and throw themselves into the sea, they would rise up in revolution. I have the right to require obedience because my orders are reasonable."
Favo.rs makes a similar point:
At the outset of each of these negotiations, the mutually shared goal was positive value creation for both parties, and a foundation for a sustainable partnership that would cause minimal to no pain for each side. However, once negotiations began, these potential partners would inevitably take one of two paths. Path one: true shared value creation, a.k.a. collaboration. Path two: a one-shot game, where maximum value capture for only one party during the first set of negotiations was the desired result.
Entrepreneurs can easily get bullied or pressured into accepting path two.
Adam of Favo.rs advises entrepreneurs to walk away from "one-shot" deals, because they foretell a poor relationship in the future:
(...) would I like to deal with this partner in this manner on a monthly, weekly or even daily basis for the foreseeable future? If the answer is no…then don’t be afraid to simply walk away. Chances are you’ll look back someday and be happy that you did.
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